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I Think…

I Think……

“When you love a woman she becomes a drink; she becomes the moon; she becomes the song; then she turns into your world.  When you see this woman her song will sit on her shoulder.”  These are the words spoken in Flower Boy Ramyun Shop by Joo Hyun – the character father of Jung ll Woo.

I wish these were my own words – still what woman does not want her man to see her in such a manner?

Always I associated the men in my life through a song.  When that song would play I would dream away my time upon thoughts of him. Bob’s song is “I want to know what love is” by Foreigner.

He has been singing the song, “What I Like About You” by the Romantics for many years. Even though he has never said so, I was just sure this was Bob’s song for me.  I am a dancer – and I know he likes to watch me dance.  It doesn’t matter that all the women in the room are dancing and screaming as he performs his eyes always lock with mine, a wink, a smile.

It seems such a silly thing – yet, so important!  When this old man refers to his deceased wife in such a loving manner I understood exactly what he was saying.  If something were to happen to Bob and he was no longer here for me to touch, to hold, to share my life with he would become the song I would listen to in the dark.  He would be the drink in my hand and he would be the moon’s glow washing across my broken heart.

Does he know this to be true?  Have I shared enough of myself, everything that I am, that he feels my heart?  I would not want to wait until he is gone to share such deep emotion.  Will my love letter to him carry the true words of my sentiment?

A friend of mine apologized to me the other day for snapping at me.  She said, “I usually only snap at family”.  I wondered about those words.  Why?  Why do we treat those we love with less emotion then those we are simply fond of?  Is it because we want others to like us, and we are sure our families will continue to love us as we truly are?  What?  What are we truly like?  Does this mean we are evil, inconsiderate butts?

Who do we want to remember us with the most adoration, our friends, acquaintances or our loved ones?  I want my husband to look back on these years with joy and love in his heart.  I want my children to remember their mommy or nonny with great happiness written across those memories.  I want my friends to remember me because of my deep love and affection for my family.

Bob you are my song and the moon’s glow will always carry you near when you are far.  I can only hope I have been what you needed, what you’ve wanted, what was and is the drink that soothes your heart.  Look past the anger on my face.  See through my shameful words.  Hold onto the truth of my love and allow it, I think…… to be my memory.

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I am a mother of 16 children and grandchildren. Some of them are by blood and the rest by heart. I was a foster mom for a few years and the children I cared for during that time have mostly stayed with me through the years. I love to write, read, dance, paint, and play with my animals. I enjoy dressage riding and just being in the barn. My words are my gift, as they allow you to know me as I really am. Thanks for joining me on this ride of life!

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