Bossy? Are women bossy? Why do women feel such pleasure in bossing their men? You see it all the time – two people begin to date and everything seems like roses in bloom. Once the lady knows she has the man she will begin to tell him what to do. Not in a hateful manner, but with gentle loving care. What?
It’s true! We women seem to feel more love and joy with our men once we are bossing them around. It begins with the pride in caring for them, and them caring for us by doing things we ask. Then it grows into this wicked, angry demand. If they fail to give us what we want they are lazy good for nothing men that don’t care how we feel. We are convinced we are no longer loved or cared for.
Funny! Truly funny! I’m guilty of this and yet I am laughing at myself too! Why must a man lose our loving gentleness because they grow tired of being at our beck and call? If the roles were reversed I would leave. Simple. I’m out of here! No one is going to boss me around and tell me what I must do from the moment the sun rises until I crawl into bed. Yet, this seems to be what we women want.
They say that a woman is capable of juggling more at one time than a man. They say we are more sensitive and gentle. They say we handle the most stress without breaking down. Maybe this is because we release all of that tension hating the very man we have promised to love because he didn’t’ take out the trash before he even took a step from the door in which he just entered.
Possibly we release stress when we give our man the death glare while we change the diaper on our screaming child while our man is oblivious as he watches the latest game on the sports channel. Possibly we cope by rejecting his advances so he will see how disregarded we’ve felt all day.
Listen, I get it! I’m married and my husband, though nearly perfect has left me to handle the meltdowns, the fights for cooperation and the screams over kids refusing to clean up after themselves. I don’t know how a man can tune out his family and pretend nothing is happening all around him. Yet, this isn’t really what I am talking about.
Why do we begin these expectations in our relationship? Why do we seem to enjoy all of this bossy anger, and hurtful rejection toward our men? Can we handle so little that they must read our minds and obey?
Bob and I once had a huge fight that ended with us down at the barn screaming at each other. I can’t remember what it was over, but he’d clearly not meant my expectations. I couldn’t have fully explained what those expectations were because he finally grabbed me and put me on the ground. As he held each of my hands out to my side and sat on top of me he said, “Why do I always have to be the one who’s says I’m sorry?” I laid there in stunned silence and couldn’t answer. What was I going to say, “Because you’re my man”? Stupid response, but it was the truth. How could he have shown me how much he loved me unless he accepted blame and said he was sorry?
I’ve thought of this moment many times over the years since that day. He shouldn’t always have to say he is sorry – after all Ali MacGraw taught us in “Love Story” – “love means never having to say I am sorry”. Ok, that is a bunch of bull – but love does not mean that men should be the ones who are always wrong and must utter the final words of regret. We women expect a man in love to read our minds, obey and understand we are the masters of their lives.am not advocating that our men run the household. Us women would die an early death from the stress. We women are by nature capable of showing love and caring due to our nurturing souls. We must teach our husbands and lovers how to be our men but, I think…… it should be by loving example.