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irumeur…

Regrets.  What is regret?  Why do we feel regret?  How can we prevent regret?

My sister is in town for our aunt’s funeral.  As always, we talked about family.  No matter how hard parents try to work with our children, we still make mistakes.  We often feel the pain of their rejection.  Frequently, we want to lash out with words that reveal our pain.

Why?  When we are able to think rationally, we will regret our actions, our rejection, and our words.  Each of us has needs, limits, and scars, which refuse to let our emotions remain in control.  On the rare occasions, we are silent; we suffer!

God tells us to accept our situation, even if we are slaves to another, with humble grace and a willing heart.  I want to be unpretentious and eager –but my pride steps in to save the day.

In marriage, partners comfort one another, in the hopes of providing strength.  I would love to offer this same patient understanding for my mother when her needs, become more than I can bear.  Or, for my adult children, when they don’t have time for me.  Alas, I regularly fail to step up to the plate, and fulfill my duty.

I wonder if there are others out there, who struggle to meet these same goals.

On one day, while my father was still with me, I was terrified the draft would be re-instated, and my son would go to war.  My dad said, “Why shouldn’t he go?  Your son is no more special, then the other sons and daughters who will fight.”

I couldn’t believe my dad would breathe these words to me.  His wisdom was far, and his argument was honest.  I had never imagined that another’s child should be considered, besides my own.  I was sure other people loved their children as I loved mine, but it wasn’t my concern.  Enlightening!  Was I to expect their child to die so that mine would live?  How could I justify that?  I couldn’t!

So, if my heart could switch, with this simple statement, why can I not be patient with that same child when he makes me crazy?  Why can’t I give to my mother, when her needs burden me?  Why can’t I understand with grace when my daughter is too busy for me?

Regrets –I have many, and none.  My regret is impossible to fix, as I would love to go back and inject them with a dose of tenderness.  In strenuous moments, I could have shown compassion and endurance, placing myself in understanding.

Still, I do not regret my life, for it has been mine to live.  Without the trials and tribulations I have met and conquered, I would not have those I love so completely, as they are.  I could never regret this life, I think…because I want us to be –we.

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I am a mother of 16 children and grandchildren. Some of them are by blood and the rest by heart. I was a foster mom for a few years and the children I cared for during that time have mostly stayed with me through the years. I love to write, read, dance, paint, and play with my animals. I enjoy dressage riding and just being in the barn. My words are my gift, as they allow you to know me as I really am. Thanks for joining me on this ride of life!

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