irumeur..., Spirtuality
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2 Corinthians 12:10 for when I am weak, I am strong

I was diagnosed with Lupus and Sjogren’s Syndrome about 16 years ago.  At first, I wondered if I might die in my 40s.  I was scared!

I met several other people, who also had lupus.  They’d been struggling with the disease for nearly 20 years.  Both women died in their 20th year of the disease.  So, naturally, I started convincing myself I could live another 20 years.  If that is true, I’m down to four.  That’s a hard pill to swallow.

Okay, so what are my thoughts after all these years?  I just don’t give it much thought.  I believe this is my story!

Why worry over another’s time frames, results, or circumstances?  I place my trust in God, and he will decide.  Boy am I thrilled to have that off of my shoulders.  Now, I know longer worry about death.

In truth, I do worry how bad it will get.  Still, that only last for a handful of minutes and I remember God will be there.

Right before my aunt died, she was in considerable pain.  She’d been told three times she had less than 6 months.  Each time she beat the odds, and defied her cancer.  I call it “her” cancer, because we have to own our disease.  By taking ownership, we are better able to accept its presence in our lives.

Anyway, she survived somewhere around 30 years, before the cancer became too much for her heart.  Isn’t that funny, how in the end, she still beat the cancer?  Slowly, her heart began to fail.  As she grew weaker, she slept most of the time.

I wonder if people dying, sleep to be closer to God.  I know they want to escape the pain, but in sleep, I believe angels surround us, and it is in its depths, we can feel them more clearly.

I suggested to my aunt to ask for morphine.  My dad used it daily the last two and a half weeks of his life.  Funny -he really liked morphine!

My aunt told me these words, “Christ suffered on the cross.  This is the least I can do for him.”

Profound!  Now, when I think of pain -I remember her words.  I don’t want to suffer as I do, let alone, more.  Still, it is the least I can do for him.

Why should Christ die for people who do not share his suffering?  Had I had the opportunity to take his place on that cross?  Honestly, no!  I wouldn’t have had the courage.

I would have lied down beside him, and wept at his feet.  Shameful!

Now, as I sit here typing this for you, I rejoice in being one of the many that suffers for Christ.  My disease has filled my life with love, laughter, and an appreciation for each of you.

Once, I held myself from the world.  Sadness and loneliness were my only solace.  For years now, I love as I have never loved.  I have given myself to others in ways I once would have found foreign.  I can lift my eyes up to the Heavens, and know I am not alone.

Lupus has been my earthly blessing.  I am so thankful, I think… God chose me.


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I am a mother of 16 children and grandchildren. Some of them are by blood and the rest by heart. I was a foster mom for a few years and the children I cared for during that time have mostly stayed with me through the years. I love to write, read, dance, paint, and play with my animals. I enjoy dressage riding and just being in the barn. My words are my gift, as they allow you to know me as I really am. Thanks for joining me on this ride of life!

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