Day: January 6, 2016

irumeur…

Regret!  Do we have any regret?  I read inspirational blogs, saying to “Live with no regrets.” or, “I have no regrets.”  How do we grow in compassion and learn -without regret? I have lots of regrets.  Some may be as small as thinking some man was ugly -up to, not becoming a veterinarian.  Some of them mattered -like, getting in the car with the boys who raped me -to the last time I whipped my eldest daughter.  She lied to me, so I whacked her three times with a belt.  I had so much regret -I never hit her again. I’ve made mistakes.  Lots and lots of mistakes have been plaguing my conscience, for a very long time.  Each of these mistakes, or errors in judgement, helped me to grow, as a human.  Compassion, regret, change, giving -these are all needed, so we become better people.  Not perfect, but better! Maybe my biggest regret would be for the anger, self-loathing and vengefulness I experienced after being raped.  I punished myself for years!  I set out to …

Nonsense

My year in 2015.  I know I already posted that elf -but, I was excited about 25 countries visiting my site.  I want to reach the world, and make friends everywhere. Countries that visited my site: United States 304 Ukraine 24 Spain 14 Australia 15 Greece 5 Canada 10 India 9 Germany 8 France 1 Malaysia 3 United Kingdom 16 New Zealand 21 Philippines 1 Nigeria 5 Hong Kong SAR China 4 Brazil 4 Norway 4 Pakistan 4 Singapore 2 Japan 1 Saudi Arabia 1 Indonesia 1 Iraq 1 Switzerland 1   I had 462 Views 173 Visitors 175 Likes 33 Comments 4-5 months time -Yeah!  Thank you all for visiting, liking, commenting, and becoming my friends.  You each mean so much to me!  If you know someone in South Korea -tell them about me -okay!

irumeur…

I am thankful I no longer need something outside me to be happy. Another blogger, who I believe has a problem with depression and anxiety, began talking about her day, and what she is thankful for: Lyfwithem.  It’s a great post, and I recommend you read it. I think of all the years I suffered from depression.  Days in bed, hours sleeping to escape my suffering, and the self-doubt. What changed? I did get Lupus -and I started taking fish oil, daily.  Somehow, learning I could die young, made me want to live.  It gave me the confidence to live.  At least, I wanted to live, completely, every day I had left to live. Prior to that, I’d listened to every inspirational speaker I could.  I spent hours changing the way I talked to myself, most of the time.  I learned a lot during those years, of self-growth. All my life, I knew that I was different, that others were turned off by me.  I didn’t really understand what it was, but I reflected over …