Jot – Effortless
What can be farther from effortless, then the effort to write about this word? Should I tell you the things I find effortless?
What in the world would those be? Everything in my life -takes effort. Everything about me is the opposite of effortlessness. I am demanding, challenging, far from simple, and anything but easy to get along with.
Everything that is effortless, is what I give the most effort too. My love for my children, my husband, my mother, sister and God. Not in that exact order!
It is easy to love them, but in loving them -I must push myself to show them the fullness of that love. Cooking meals from scratch, making quilts the kids can pass down, writing letters, so they can hold memories of the years we spent together. I leave small notes so my husband will remember he is my one love, forever, and ironing his clothes (not because he asks me too, but because I want him to feel sharp and proud). I call my mom, even when she is causing my insanity, just so I don’t miss her voice. These are efforts I will continue to put forth -for them.
I am far from perfect, and my family is forced to share a household with a crazy woman. I freak out about my husband staying in the center of the road, or driving too fast, or playing with his toys rather than watching where he is driving.
I am always onto Mady, about cleaning her atrocious bedroom (even though mine is just as bad) and Lucy about leaving tea bags on the side of the sink. I lecture about the smallest things, because every instance is the opportunity for a new lesson.
Each of them, are learning bits and pieces of every language I speak -as they are forced to understand what I am rattling on about. Mady makes “the crazy lady” play Choi Min Ho, singing OMG, every time a new friend gets in the car. This one song, has now found several new freshman fans, in our town. Mady thinks I’ve lost my mind, but she loves exploiting it.
Lucy is continuously frustrated with me, for telling her to do something, and then changing my mind, or telling her to do something different, forgetting about the first task -I just yelled at her about. She also believes I am obsessive about animal chores, what others think of me, and that the house is clean before someone comes over. Isn’t every one obsessed about these things?
My husband, poor guy -He hates letting others down, believing I should be prompt, efficient and timely. Wow -he’s he stretching my to-do list! I mean seriously, I have way more important things to get done -like watching a Korean drama.
When I am writing -unless you are dying, leave me alone. I don’t care that the computer screen is glaring in your face, while you are sleeping. You’re hungry -well get something to eat -there is cereal in the cabinet. What do you mean, you’re down to your last pair of underwear? I just did laundry 3 weeks ago. Please, family -I am almost done. Can’t you hold out just a little longer?
Even effort goes out the window, when I am writing. My effortless love will return, just as soon as I say -the end!
When I finally walk away from the computer, there are piles of laundry I must tend to. More effort is shed as our standard poodle, Mysti, gets under my feet. I’ll be struggling to carry the laundry basket up to the living room, for sorting. She insists on walking in front of me, painfully slow, as she keeps looking back at me. The effort it takes in avoiding her toes -is effortless love.
When the rain, or snow is falling, or when hell opens its doors, I’m at the barn feeding and tending to my horses. In the need for shelter, they crowd around me, each believing they are my favorite. Ears back, and eyes, the very pits of hate, turn as they reach to take a chunk out of the one standing to each side, placing me in a precarious position. Good thing I am alpha -as they snap back in place, when I yell at them. Each pretending -it’s not me! I swear! This is effortless love -with lots and lots of effort.
I’ll never forget the night, I put a rope around the neck of our youngest pony. He’s a little off in the head. Stormy was afraid of the water puddle, just in front of the gate. So, rather than jump over it, he turned and pulled me into the puddle, face first. Struggling to get my footing, I held on to his rope, with two fingers, determined to not let go. My one free arm pressed into the mud, as I suctioned my feet out of the murky mud, losing one boot, in the process. There I was, covered in mud, one foot covered, the other bare. My hair was matted to my face, and my clothes were soaked -but I still had a hold on that pony. Within minutes, he was drying in the barn, while I filled his water bucket and threw him some hay. That is effortless love, with effort.
When the horses are fed, I tend to the cats and dogs. It is their favorite time of the day, as I always use this moment to teach them tricks. Are they excited about the tricks? No! They want their biscuit! The four of them sit side by side, each different in size and color. Four eyes staring up at my mine, (right) -each patiently awaited their treat.
The oldest dog, Kodiak, is learning to walk lifting each front leg high -like he is a prancing horse. He already knows how to roll over, crawl, stand up on back legs, sit, heel, and lie down.
The newest puppy, is just starting, so he hasn’t mastered anything but watching the biscuit, with temporary flashes of sitting.
My big white great Pyrenees is patient in everything she learns.
Then, there is Walt Duppy -the puppy, who has learned to open the back door. Now, each time I walk through, he follows. I’ve had to start locking the door behind me.
By this time, I am tired and the kitchen dishes are still in the sink. My husband is in bed, snoring and the girls are using up what little Internet service, we have under this cloak of trees. My grandchildren (six of which, will often be here at the same time) are hoping I will let them stay up all night. Ugh!
Our home, is a complicated family structure where we annoy one another, cause each other strife, and take advantage of one’s egos. Ah, we are, I think…a perfectly wonderful family -that requires much effort.